On and Off the List

My friend LKA keeps a running list referred to as The Coma List. Everyone should have one. This is the list of foods that a friend or family member should bring to your bedside if you are ever in a coma. Only the foods on the list have the power to bring you back to consciousness. For a long time the primary items on LKA’s list were two notable chicken sandwiches found in San Francisco:
The Bi-Rite Market’s original chicken sandwich, circa 2000, and the chicken sandwich found at the SF MOMA café.

What exactly made the Bi-Rite sandwich so special has been lost to the mists of time; all I can remember is that she took it off the list around 2003 or 2004 because she had one and it was too dry. It only takes one bad bite to get an item crossed off the list. The SF MOMA café chicken sandwich was a chicken breast on focaccia with arugula and onion jam. The key to the sandwich was the cutting of the chicken breast into two or three slices, rather than leaving it as one thick piece, which often leads to the specter that haunts all chicken sandwiches: dryness.

LKA was in town last weekend and took a trip to SF MOMA to check out the Robert Frank show and also to check in with the chicken sandwich. Was it still good enough for the list?

The good news is that the arugula and onion jam remain, but the bad news really outweighs the good: the chicken breast isn’t sliced anymore; it’s thick and dry. She also reports that they’ve changed the sandwich to a pressed panini (or panino, as the case may be), so the bread is now smooshed yet crisped. The verdict? Off the list.

As the one-time keeper of LKA’s list, I felt a little panicked at the realization that there was now nothing on it. A friend in a coma is a situation you really want to be prepared for, so I pressed her for more items to put on the list. What about the Out the Door spring rolls? “Sure, put it on the list,” she said.

That was all I got out of her that night, but I suspect the brisket from the Salt Lick Barbecue might make her list, and something from Osha Thai, maybe. For some reason items on the coma list tend to be from restaurants or similarly less accessible places. If LKA’s ever in a coma, I’m not going to be able to whip up something at home. And if she’s ever in a coma in a city other than San Francisco, I’m definitely in trouble. Getting from San Francisco to the Salt Lick in Austin to wherever LKA lies in a coma is a logistical challenge, to say the least.

All the talk about LKA’s list made me start thinking about my own. I couldn’t remember anything that was on it. You should never let your coma list get out of date; your life could depend on it.

I present my coma list, newly updated as of August 3, 2009:

1. My friend Manu’s chick peas (aka chana masala). I’m sure if I were in a coma and you asked him nicely, he’d make a batch for me.
2. The beef cheek ravioli from Babbo. If my coma happens to fall within ramp season, then forget the ravioli and bring the bavette with ramps and pecorino.
3. A chili dog from the Varsity. Fries to go along with would be nice, but don’t bring onion rings.
4. My dad’s pulled pork.
5. Gloppy mess: this is something any friend can make at home (M.G., I’m looking at you). Spaghetti, pesto, and roasted cherry tomatoes. Glop it all together and bring a big bowl.
6. Almost anything with an egg on top (except for loco moco, which is disgusting). Candidates might include the kimchee fried rice topped with an egg from Namu, an egg pizza from Pizzette 211 or Delfina Pizzeria, or one of those French salads with frisee, a poached egg, and lardons.
7. Crispy potato tacos from Primavera. If they’re not on the menu, you can never go wrong with the chilaquiles.
8. Salted caramel ice cream from the Bi-Rite Creamery.
9. Blue Bottle New Orleans iced coffee.
10. The special vegetarian sandwich they have sometimes at the Bi-Rite: spicy aioli, roasted red pepper, avocado, onion, and provolone, pressed and hot. If that’s not on the specials list, remember that the ham-and-gruyere is always a safe bet.

So friends, please take note. And please send me your list so I won’t be caught unprepared.